Updates

I don’t really want this blog to become all about our baby, but I guess that’s what it’s going to be for a little while. I just wanted to give any of you who may be interested the latest update. **Warning: This post contains words that might make some, particularly those of the male persuasion, squirm. If you can’t tolerate the word cervix, then you should probably skip over this post.

Oh yes, I’m sure you all know this already, but I haven’t said it yet on here that we found out we are having a girl! At that appointment, our midwife, Monica, told us two things. First of all, she said that my cervix was measuring just a millimeter shorter than the range they normally like to see. They weren’t concerned at this point, but they needed me to come back in a couple of weeks to make sure that I wasn’t dilating early. That would be bad news and potentially mean bedrest for the remainder of my pregnancy. Monica also said they noted something “academic,” meaning something that was benign but worth noting for the mere fact that it was something they hadn’t really seen before. She said they noted an “amniotic sheet” and made a clear point of saying that it is NOT an “amniotic band.” She repeated this, she said, so that I would not go look up “amniotic band” and become concerned. (This point will become relevant a little later.) Other than that, she said that our baby girl looked completely healthy!

Fast forward to my next appointment, which was last week. This appt was really only to measure my cervix, so we didn’t see as much of Baby Girl. My understanding from what Monica had told us was that my cervix would either be the same length, or it would be shorter, shorter being bad. My cervix measured 12 mm longer. I don’t know whether that was a fluke or a miracle, but whatever it was, it was a definite answer to prayer. It was even more of an answer to prayer than I realized because they told me that I currently have placenta previa, which means that the placenta is partially covering my cervix. If I actually were dilating early, that would be particularly bad news because it could lead to hemorrhaging in addition to a preterm delivery. But praise the Lord that is not an issue for now!

However, that amniotic sheet I mentioned earlier? The midwife I saw at this appt, Jan, said that whoever reviews the ultrasounds classified it this time as an amniotic band. She said that the band is not currently an issue because it is away from the baby. If it is actually a band, though, it is a fibrous string that can restrict her growth if it interferes with her. From what I have read, it can cause deformities like a club foot or cleft palate, or worse, it could amputate one of her limbs or kill her if it wraps around her head or umbilical cord. Even if this band isn’t near her for now, I know she’ll start to take up every available space by the time I get into the third trimester. I’m supposed to meet with a specialist in a couple of weeks, and my understanding is that this doctor is supposed to shed more light on whether this is a sheet or a band and then possible next steps.

So that’s the latest. I’m not fretting for the time being, just waiting out the time until our next appt. Prayers are appreciated, as always, and on that note, I want you all to know just how blessed we feel to know how much so many of you have saturated our little girl in prayer, even before she came to be. Is there any better way to start a life? I can hardly wait to see the answers to those prayers come to pass in her life.

And in more lighthearted news, I felt her move for the first time on New Year’s Day! And Justin felt her move last night! I was surprised he could feel her this early. Despite feeling her move and starting to show, I still feel remarkably normal. I still haven’t moved into maternity clothes, but I am starting to feel some aches and pains. We forgot to take a picture this week, but I’ll leave you with the most recent.

So now you know

I hate keeping secrets about myself. I'd much rather be an open book. So now you know all (okay, most of) my secrets again!

Actually, there was a little more to this story. There's another person's story to share, and I want to do that person justice by sharing it. During both previous pregnancies, we never saw a heartbeat, so I was really holding my breath for our first ultrasound. Unfortunately, Justin missed out on all my appointments so far because of his training in OK. My sweet friend and our pastor's wife, Olivia, was kind enough to accompany me to my first two appointments.

Well, as I told Justin while sobbing into the phone after my first ultrasound at 6 weeks, I didn't see a heartbeat; I saw two! Yes, the Lord had graciously blessed us with twins! Now, if I'm completely honest here, the first thought to cross my mind was "At least this makes the odds of actually delivering one much higher." One friend and another friend-of-a-friend both lost a twin within the last year, so I was prepared for the very real possibility of becoming part of that 20% who experience what doctors so euphamistically call "vanishing twin syndrome." Justin, on the other hand, has always joked about having twins, and I think he was in shock with joy and disbelief.

A week and a half later I went in for another ultrasound and learned that we had lost one of the twins. Development had stopped shortly after my first ultrasound. I feel blessed that God gave me that first ultrasound to see those two beautiful little heartbeats. And while I wish I could still say that we're expecting twins, believe me when I say I feel blessed to have been given that child even though God chose to take that child home to Him so early--like our other babies, before he/she could experience any pain or suffering in this world. I have come to realize that we could hardly have been given any greater gift. To have God add to our family, and more importantly to His, for all of eternity. It's pretty incredible to think about.

But "Baby B" was going strong at that appointment, and then again at my next appointment a week later. Today I am 15 weeks! Can I just tell you how wonderful that sounds?? Any time I said out loud that I was 8 weeks or 10 weeks, or even 12 weeks, I would say it with some trepidation. When I said out loud that I was 10 weeks, it was really like saying "I'm 10 weeks and hoping that I'll make it to the next...and the next...and the next." While I'm still more than ready to see our baby wiggling and squirming and growing at our next appointment on the 20th, I'm certainly more confident that I will get to meet Baby B in person than I ever have been. The periodic sickness I've had for the last several weeks has started to disappear (I can even brush my teeth almost like a normal person again!), but now I can see my belly starting to grow. So that is my reassurance for now.

We should be able to find out on the 20th whether we're having a boy or a girl, but I've been so focused on just seeing a healthy baby that I've barely given any thought to the gender. When we first found out I was pregnant I was convinced it was a boy. But since we found out about and then lost one of the twins, I have had NO inclinations one way or another. I think that's because in some ways this pregnancy still doesn't feel real. I find myself waking up from naps feeling like I've been dreaming that I'm pregnant. I'm hoping and expecting that will change in less than two weeks! By then I should be close to feeling the baby move too. I imagine it will feel real then!

I don't have too much of a belly to show at the moment, but at Katherine's request, I'll leave you with one shot for now (taken just after lunch for maximum impact).

Either Katherine is the only person still reading my blog after a 2-month hiatus, or she's the only one reading it carefully. Which is entirely possible. But if you read my last post and didn't notice anything unusual, you might want to take a second look.

There's no place like home

Goodness gracious, this half of the year has been one big blur. After spending a month in Oklahoma while Justin finished training out there, we are finally home to stay for a little while. That is, until Justin takes another trip to the desert, but this upcoming one will be only 45 days and he will be back just in time to attend his sister's wedding! Praise the Lord. Then we will be expecting a move in the summer. We love our home, our friends, and our church here in Goldsboro and will be shedding plenty of tears over this move, I have no doubt.

On top of that, it's going to be quite an adventure moving with a dog, a cat, and a newborn, but I'm up to the challenge. ;)

(Please don't say anything on FB just yet. Very few of our local friends know. But that will change this weekend.)

Take the glory, Take 2

Over two years ago I wrote about a valuable lesson God taught me through running. He taught me that finding strength in him began with first acknowledging all he had given me. And it's taken me almost two years to learn how to apply that lesson to one of the most difficult trials of my life.

Two months ago I wrote about my struggle to find hope in God, and not in my own desires. A struggle that has been going on every month for closing in on two years now. This month especially I was putting a lot of pressure on myself. And then I had a little chat with a friend about faith that reminded me of this "Take the glory" principle I thought I had learned so long ago. So, this month, when I thought I could hardly bear the waiting and the hoping any longer, instead of pleading for God to be enough, I acknowleged that he IS enough. In the midst of all my anxiety, out of faith, I decalred, "Lord, you are enough." And, just like that, he was. No more pleading. Just the wonderful stillness and calm and trust in God I have been pleading for for so long now.

It was a major victory. My circumstances didn't change, but God allowed me to rest with a pure faith and hope in him. And I am so thankful he did. So thankful he has.

Have you been wondering why God isn't enough? Trust that he is, and watch and wait for him, with eager anticipation, to work.

"For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you."

--Matthew 17:20