Yesterday I shared a little about how I'm realizing that my lack of intentionality has contributed to some serious drifting in my life, particularly in my most important relationship--my relationship with my Heavenly Father. The only one truly worthy of my love and praise and adoration and time, and the one I have pushed aside for the sake of my own comfort and convenience. The one who gives me every good and perfect gift including the gifts of time and talents, to whom I too often respond by saying, "Thanks but no thanks. I'd rather just squander the time you've so graciously given me instead. I'd rather be comfortable than doing anything of (eternal) consequence."
That's a confession and one that wounds my selfish pride to make. Good. May I wound my pride until it finally lays down too broken to fight. So broken that it finally surrenders to the Holy Spirit's work in my undeserving life.
I realize not everyone who reads this blog (although, if the comments are any indication, BA's the only one right now--thanks for reading and playing along BA!) is interested in this kind of post, but the truth of the matter is, the best thing I can possibly do is not to point to myself but to the one whom I owe (and from whom I have received) absolutely everything.
So. That's the background. My resolution #1 is daily, substantial prayer. I really don't want to confess how woefully inadequate this area of my life has been recently, especially during the times I am on my own. And yet I am acutely aware that any changes I hope to see come about can only begin with prayer. Because my own power is insufficient--and worse than insufficient, it is/I am sinful and self-centered. "...for apart from me [Jesus] you can do nothing" (John 15:5). And, as I was reminded this morning, while prayer can and often does change our circumstances, it changes us, primarily, as we stop focusing on ourselves and spend some much needed time in conversation with our Abba, Father.
Last night I spent some time writing down what I want to be sure to bring up every time I pray, both for myself and for my marriage. I adopted these from a marriage study by Doug Britton we have been going over in Sunday school. These are things I should not have to be reminded to pray for, and yet, I do need the reminder. Prayer needs to become habit first. If you have been struggling to make prayer a second-nature habit, I encourage you to adopt these in your prayers as well. Gracious, this post is getting long. Thanks for sticking with me.
- Confess that I am a sinner and pray for forgiveness (1 Jn 1:9)
- Thank God for who he is, for his love and salvation and ask him to help me love him more
- Ask him to help me walk in his Spirit (be receptive) and to serve him that day
- Pray for spiritual growth (spiritual gifts, ministry opportunities, discipline in prayer and study, insight into the Word, joy in the Spirit)
- Pray for Justin, for what he is doing that day (job success, wisdom in relationships, guidance) and for safety and health (safety while flying, energy, rest, and good health)
- Thank God for Justin (including generalities and specifics)
- Pray for Justin's spiritual growth (see above, and I added praying Eph 3:14-19 for him specifically)
- Pray for Justin's weaknesses and for God to show himself strong through them; also for patience with and concern for them (as opposed to frustration)
- Pray to love Justin more and that God would strengthen our marriage (guidance for Justin to lead our family, to grow in our strengths as a couple, to surrender our weaknesses, that our marriage would be an example to others)
- Pray for future children, specifically for us not to squander this season of waiting and that God would use this time to prepare us to be effective parents
It's a start.
