Resolution #1

I did it! I made and started acting on my first "resolution." It's only been a few years in the making. Pretty quick progress, wouldn't you say?

Yesterday I shared a little about how I'm realizing that my lack of intentionality has contributed to some serious drifting in my life, particularly in my most important relationship--my relationship with my Heavenly Father. The only one truly worthy of my love and praise and adoration and time, and the one I have pushed aside for the sake of my own comfort and convenience. The one who gives me every good and perfect gift including the gifts of time and talents, to whom I too often respond by saying, "Thanks but no thanks. I'd rather just squander the time you've so graciously given me instead. I'd rather be comfortable than doing anything of (eternal) consequence."

That's a confession and one that wounds my selfish pride to make. Good. May I wound my pride until it finally lays down too broken to fight. So broken that it finally surrenders to the Holy Spirit's work in my undeserving life.

I realize not everyone who reads this blog (although, if the comments are any indication, BA's the only one right now--thanks for reading and playing along BA!) is interested in this kind of post, but the truth of the matter is, the best thing I can possibly do is not to point to myself but to the one whom I owe (and from whom I have received) absolutely everything.

So. That's the background. My resolution #1 is daily, substantial prayer. I really don't want to confess how woefully inadequate this area of my life has been recently, especially during the times I am on my own. And yet I am acutely aware that any changes I hope to see come about can only begin with prayer. Because my own power is insufficient--and worse than insufficient, it is/I am sinful and self-centered. "...for apart from me [Jesus] you can do nothing" (John 15:5). And, as I was reminded this morning, while prayer can and often does change our circumstances, it changes us, primarily, as we stop focusing on ourselves and spend some much needed time in conversation with our Abba, Father.

Last night I spent some time writing down what I want to be sure to bring up every time I pray, both for myself and for my marriage. I adopted these from a marriage study by Doug Britton we have been going over in Sunday school. These are things I should not have to be reminded to pray for, and yet, I do need the reminder. Prayer needs to become habit first. If you have been struggling to make prayer a second-nature habit, I encourage you to adopt these in your prayers as well. Gracious, this post is getting long. Thanks for sticking with me.

• Confess that I am a sinner and pray for forgiveness (1 Jn 1:9)
• Thank God for who he is, for his love and salvation and ask him to help me love him more
• Ask him to help me walk in his Spirit (be receptive) and to serve him that day
• Pray for spiritual growth (spiritual gifts, ministry opportunities, discipline in prayer and study, insight into the Word, joy in the Spirit)
• Pray for Justin, for what he is doing that day (job success, wisdom in relationships, guidance) and for safety and health (safety while flying, energy, rest, and good health)
• Thank God for Justin (including generalities and specifics)
• Pray for Justin's spiritual growth (see above, and I added praying Eph 3:14-19 for him specifically)
• Pray for Justin's weaknesses and for God to show himself strong through them; also for patience with and concern for them (as opposed to frustration)
• Pray to love Justin more and that God would strengthen our marriage (guidance for Justin to lead our family, to grow in our strengths as a couple, to surrender our weaknesses, that our marriage would be an example to others)
• Pray for future children, specifically for us not to squander this season of waiting and that God would use this time to prepare us to be effective parents

It's a start.

Praising God through the storm

This morning I want to share something very personal with you--which I didn't think I would share (at least right now), but I feel like it's very important for two reasons. The first is to pass along a heartfelt warning, offered with a prayer that someone else will be the better off for it. The second (but not least) is to glorify God and publicly thank him for his grace, of which I am so undeserving. We are all undeserving.

Well, now I must have you really wondering what I could possibly have to share that could be so personal. Just this: I'm going through a miscarriage. I was "diagnosed" last Friday but am still waiting for my body to go through the actual process. I would be 11 weeks this Friday. Now, I know that not everyone who gets pregnant immediately after going off birth control has a miscarriage. There's no scientific evidence proving a correlation; however, I know the same thing happened to at least one other friend of mine, and (I now know) that some doctors speculate that a correlation does exist. I'm sure I would have learned this if I had paid attention/done my research, but I didn't, and here I am--wondering if waiting a month would have made a difference. You can do with that information what you wish, but if that's news to just one person who reads this, then I pray it makes a difference.

Which brings me to my other reason for this post. I think the one thing that is carrying Justin and me through this time is Romans 8:28: "And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." If we did not have our hope in Christ, and if we did not believe that God will use this circumstance for good--this circumstance that never would have happened if this world were not a fallen one--I know that there is NOTHING ELSE that would get us through this. Sure, we'd live to tell about it, but we would have no hope. And I can't imagine what that would be like.

Part of believing that God will work this out for good is being thankful that I can now relate and minister to others who have gone through or will go through this situation. And that's another reason I'm posting this here. I am so grateful to the women in my life who have gone through this, were open about it at that time, and have been willing to relive their experience to walk with me through mine. Thank you, thank you, thank you. It would have been so much harder to believe that I was alone. I want to be brave enough to let others who go through this much too common experience know that they are not alone.

Most of all, I want to be able to encourage others, no matter what their circumstance may be. In the midst of our hurt and our disappointment, Justin and I have joy because we know that we serve a God who is sovereign and good, and not just good but who is good to us even though we are undeserving. A God who creates life and, in this fallen world, takes it away, whether it be in the womb or at age 111. A God who sent his son to die for us and to redeem us from our sin if we will only believe and turn to him. A God who gives us eternal life with him and, I believe, with the child I never got to meet on this earth. Oh, praise God for the hope he has given us in Jesus!

Thank you for your prayers during this difficult time. I'm praying that you all are blessed with the joy of the Lord today.

I have amazing neighbors

I spent two hours mowing our lawn today, and just as I finished up with the front, my next door neighbor came over to tell me that he'd be happy to just keep on mowing our lawn when he finished up with his own. I assured him that Justin was usually here to take care of it, but what a sweetheart, right? And just yesterday my neighbors across the street told me that they frequently pray for our troops, and they added Justin to their list of people they pray for every morning. They even told me that before I told them that he's deployed! So that meant a lot to me too.

Prayer is powerful. For starters, how miraculous that Gustav did as little damage as it did! There are still a lot of people inconvenienced and without power, but praise God that there were so few casualties, and from what I've heard so far, everyone has a home to go back to--including the McBrides! And on a personal note, as I was mowing this morning, it just hit me that you all must be praying for me while Justin's away. I really haven't been sulking in the fact that he's gone, and that in itself is miraculous.

Seriously. That is not an understatement.

The last time he was gone for three weeks, I was a little pitiful, I'm not gonna lie, and I told God that if He ever got me through one of Justin's deployments gracefully, I knew that He would be the reason why. So thank you all very much for your prayers and support!

In the spirit of this post, I'm not going to leave a question this time. But if you have something, anything, you would like me or others to pray for, please don't hesitate to leave a comment or send me an e-mail.

The realities of Gustav

I grew up landlocked in Oklahoma. Hurricanes were not one of life's realities for me. Gustav is making things personal, though, as it threatens to rage its way through Louisiana and also make its influence felt in Pass Christian, MS. Pass Christian, if I remember correctly, was the town hit the hardest by Katrina. One of my former roommates, Leah, and her family (the McBrides) have been living there for the past year, rebuilding and providing hurricane relief. They won't be going far when Gustav hits so they can be immediately available to provide relief once the storm passes.

It's easy for all of us to keep an emotional distance from this kind of devastation when we have no personal connection. I'm just as guilty of that as anyone. But just because we may not have met the people involved does not mean that they are any less valuable and loved in the eyes of God, and we should give these nameless faces more than just our sympathy. So please pray for the people in the path of Gustav. Prayers are far more than just sympathy after all; they are powerful. Pray for the safety of those involved and for the future of those who may lose their home, perhaps for the second time in three years. And pray for people like the McBrides who will be providing relief in the midst of the threat of damage to their own home. Pray that they will be safe and encouraged and a light to those in need of a real hope.

For more on how you can specifically pray for the McBrides and other rescuers, check out the website for their organization, Project Reclaim. You can also go here for information on how to provide financial support if you should decide to help out in that way in the days following Gustav. I promise you it will be money well spent, and you can be assured that every penny you give will go to the relief effort.